I know I've been a terrible blogger. Having a newborn is hard. Everyone said it would be and they weren't kidding. The hardest part for me is breastfeeding. Quinn is 1 month today and it still hurts every time! So far the only formula we've given her was that little bit when I had to go back to the hospital to have my csection repaired, but I'm on the verge of not letting her nurse at all anymore. If we go that route, I will pump what I can and supplement with some formula. It's a hard decision to make, but nursing is just excruciating to me and has me in tears half the time.

Anyways, here are some gorgeous pictures of my little princess that my friend Morgan Trinker took when Quinn was just 10 days old. She's chubbier now and I so wish I could slow down the growing procecss and keep her sweet and tiny forever. But I am looking forward to her sleeping more at night and she has to grow to do that.

Here are the beautiful pics:

Her daddy is clearly crazy about her already. Thank goodness, because he pretty much had to take care of her the first week. Although things didn't go exactly as planned, it was worth every bit of it and we could not be happier.

We went in Sunday night to be induced and hadn't made much progress by 8 am the next morning. They started the pitocin and the Dr came in and broke my water. At first I seemed to be progressing pretty good and the contractions really were not that bad at all. I had a wonderful nurse and she kept asking if I wanted the epi, but I kept holding off because I didn't want to slow myself down. Finally got the epi at around 1:30 when I was 5 centimeters.

Unfortunately, I never progressed past that. The Dr said I could try a little longer if I wanted but he suggested doing the csection and I said let's go now. Honestly it was a piece of cake. Tuesday I felt great. They had me up around 4:30 AM and I was able to walk around all day and hold and nurse Quinn. Wednesday was my birthday and I didn't feel as good as I did Tuesday, but I figured it was because the morphine had worn off. I asked the Dr if we could go home so he let us go very late Wednesday and we made if home around 8 pm.

Things went south from there. Thursday I felt worse but everyone says day 3 after a csection is the worst. Also, Quinn decided she did not want to sleep at night, and nursing was not going that great. Between percocet and pain, I really couldn't do much and my wonderful and amazing husband took care of Quinn all night. Friday I felt really bad, with lots of pain on my left side. We went to the pediatrician and Quinn had lost over a pound and they had us start supplementing with finger feeding. Thank goodness they did.

We want straight from the pediatrician's to the OB and he took out my staples. When he did I started bulging out. Some of my internal stitches had popped and my fascia had not healed. He sent me straight back to the maternity ward and I was not allowed to leave the bed. At 8:30 that night they took me back to the OR to repair the fascia and they glued my skin together. Chris and Quinn stayed at the hospital with me and Chris took care of her all night and finger fed her.

The silver lining in all this was my nurse the next day. She was amazing. She had me up and about and figured out my milk had come in early on Saturday. She had Quinn nursing by noon that day and we are now going strong, no more supplementing and Quinn has gained 5 oz in 3 days.

She is absolutely perfect and we are in love.

Resting in Daddy's lap.

Going home outfit and resting in her Moses' basket.

I’m 39 weeks!!

Baby’s Size: Baby Beavers is the size of a mini watermelon.

Weight Gain/Loss: up 16 lbs. This is 1 lb more than I wanted to gain, but I'm still pretty happy with how well I've done.

Maternity Clothes: My new capri pants, layered tank tops and cardigans.

Symptoms: Heartburn, very uncomfortable, tired, stuffy nose.

Foods I’m Loving: Not a lot. Lots of things give me heartburn and I can't eat much of anything at one time. I'm craving Sonic pellet ice, water, and the weirdest thing – smelling clean things.

Foods I’m Hating: Nothing's really turning me off, I just don't want much of anything.

Sleep: Not really sleeping. Tossing and turning and can't get comfortable.

Gender: It’s a GIRL!!!

What I Miss: At this point, the list is long. I'm just over being pregnant.

What I’m Looking Forward To: Seeing her today!

Milestones: Made it all the way to the induction.

Emotions: I've been pretty calm this week although I am worried about the birth itself. Just hoping and praying that everything goes smooth (and quick!).

Our current view:

It's taken me awhile to get the pics up from my baby showers. I had great intentions of getting them both up this week, but the crazy weather threw a monkey wrench in some of my plans. During Wednesday night's thunderstorm/hail/tornado my best friend's house had extensive damage. A 25 foot cinder block wall in their basement completely collapsed and a river of water flooded their basement. As of right now, the house has been declared structurally unsafe and there's a question of whether the damage is covered by insurance. I wish I had a picture to post of the damage, but I didn't take any on my camera. Her college age daughter's apartment was in the basement and was flooded. Pretty much everything in there is lost. I did go and get most of her clothes and was able to wash them and save everything except one white coat, but most of her shoes aren't salvageable. Please pray that insurance will cover this. It's really just kind of been a surreal week and I haven't had time to think about or get nervous about the upcoming birth.

We're all set to go in Sunday night at 8 and get induced, so I want to get these last posts up before then. Here are the pics from the shower at my church. I was overwhelmed with all the lovely things for baby Quinn. My church has really been so supportive of me. Even though I totally questioned my faith as a bitter infertile, everyone just continued to support me. We are extremely blessed.

At the end, everyone laid their hands on me and prayed for the birth, the baby and our family. What a blessing.

Sorry for the picture overload, but the nursery is finally done! The only thing left to do is get two canvas pics of Quinn to hang over the changing table once she's here.

Just a few of the small details. Chris put this bird that matches the wall decal up here to look like it's sitting on the curtian rod. I think it turned out cute.

The shoe collection keeps growing. I can't stop myself.

I made it to 37 weeks. I'm so relieved. There were so many times when I thought this day would never come. And most days I still worry that something is going to go wrong, that this is not really going to happen. I definitely look pregnant instead of fat these days. People are asking me if I'm ready, giving me advice on what to do to make labor start, and I even got one "are there twins in there".


I've had a few pregnancy announcements lately and they still bother me. It makes me upset that it's not my bloggy friends who are trying so hard. I really really really want it to be yall. I keep wondering why me and not others? And why these stupid fertiles. At my church baby shower, when I was saying thank you, and I said that I appreciated how they supported me even though I'm a bitter infertile, a friend of mine said she was still a bitter infertile too. And she has 2 kids, 8 and 5. So I guess that right there tells me that these feelings will never completely fade. I hope that some day when a regular fertile person tells me they're pregnant I won't immediately be upset.


I'll probably do several post this week because I need to do both showers and the nursery is completely finished, I just need to take pictures. It turned out gorgeous! I could not be happier with it. And we have almost everything done. Car sears are installed, bag is semi packed, we cleaned out the garage so I can put the baby in on the passenger side. All that little stuff that you put off until the last minute.


Here's my 37 week update:

I’m 37 weeks!!


Baby’s Size: Baby Beavers is as long as a stalk of swiss chard.


Weight Gain/Loss: up 16 lbs. This is 1 lb more than the total I wanted to gain, but I'm still pretty happy with how well I've done.


Maternity Clothes: My new capri pants, layered tank tops and cardigans.


Symptoms: Heartburn, very uncomfortable, tired, stuffy nose.


Foods I’m Loving: Not a lot. Lots of things give me heartburn and I can't eat much of anything at one time. I'm craving Sonic pellet ice, water, and the weirdest thing – smelling clean things.


Foods I’m Hating: Nothing's really turning me off, I just don't want much of anything.


Sleep: Not really sleeping. Tossing and turning and can't get comfortable.


Gender: It’s a GIRL!!!


What I Miss: At this point, the list is long. I'm just over being pregnant.


What I’m Looking Forward To: Her birthday. Any day now would be fine.


Milestones: Made it to full term. Emotions: I'm very emotional, crying over nothing and kinda grumpy. And a little nervous about the birth itself. As long as I can have the epi I'll be fine, but I'm worried about going into labor while still on the blood thinner.


And here's another front view. I realize this is the same shirt I had on in my last update. Oh well. At least it's a cute shirt. :-)

I’m 35 weeks!!

*****There may be some typos in here. For some reason blogger wants to run all my paragraphs together so I was afraid to click on Compose and use spell check. *****

Thank you everyone for the sweet comments about my puppy dog. I miss her so much, but I'm doing better. I work from home and some days I feel sad that I'm truly here by myself. She always seemed to bark at inconvenient times, but now I wish she was here to bark at me.

Just 5 weeks left! No later than 5 weeks from this past Monday (sorry, I'm late getting this up and I don't have a pic to go with it) I will no longer be pregnant and the dream that I worked so hard for will be here and in my arms. Honestly it still doesn't seem real. At my shower on Saturday, someone asked me "when are you due" and I thought she said "what do you do?" because surely no one is asking me a due date? I'm huge and uncomfortable and tired, and have a room full of baby stuff, but sometimes I still don't believe I'm pregnant.

We had 2 showers this weekend, and it is unbelievable how generous everyone was. We are truly blessed to have the family, friends and church family that we have. I want to say more about the showers, but they deserve their own posts, so I will wait until I have the pics from Sunday's which my friend Anna had to take since my camera battery went out and post then.

Everything is going well at my monitoring appointments. She's a little bigger than the internet says she should be for the week I'm in. She was in the 44% percentile for weight which I liked. Then she jumped up to 5 lbs 8 oz last week. The Dr says this is only the 75% percentile and he was actually really happy about it. One concern with thrombophylia is that the placenta will not do it's job and the baby won't grow correctly. Apparently my placenta is doing fine. This is great, but I do NOT want a 9lb baby. 7 lbs sounds good to me. I guess this is something we don't really get to decide though, so I'm trying not to worry about it to much.

I’m 34 weeks!!

Baby’s Size: Baby Beavers is the size of a Cantaloupe

Weight Gain/Loss: up 12 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: I broke down and bought a few more maternity things, some tank tops, one shirt and a pair of white pants. I would like to have a few more pairs of these pants, but it seems silly to buy them to wear for 5 weeks. Still mostly maternity jeans and big shirts though.

Symptoms: Stuffy nose, restless legs, very tired, heartburn has kicked in with a vengenance. I can't eat much and certain foods really bother me (citrus, spicy, and rich foods), lots of pressure and false contractions.

Foods I’m Loving: I wouldn’t say I’m loving them, but I can eat rice, biscuits and milk, and plain pasta without having heartburn too bad.

Foods I’m Hating: The last couple of weeks I've been able to cook raw meat, not hating to many things, just not able to eat a lot at once.

Sleep: I'm not sleeping good, there's just no other way to say it. I can't get comfortable at all. No my body pillow doesn't help. Thank goodness this part doesn't last long.

Gender: It’s a GIRL!!!

What I Miss: Sleep, Wine, being comfortable and eating good food!!!

What I’m Looking Forward To: Not being pregnant.

Milestones: We had our maternity pics done and 2 baby showers. There aren't any more big milestones, just getting her here!

Emotions: I feel so overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family towards baby Quinn. We have everything we could ever need, plus lots more. I'm getting nervous about the birth itself, worrying about being off the blood thinners so I can have an epidural.

My wonderful photographer already has some pictures up on her blog!!!! You can go here to check them out:

Morgan Trinker Photography

Of course I'm prejudiced, but I think they are AMAZING!!!

Today was a very bittersweet day. We had our maternity pictures taken this morning and it turned out so well. We did some outdoor shots then we went to the cutest little ice cream shop that was painted all pink and green and took some really cute shots there. I can't wait to see the pics.

This afternoon though, was so so sad. After 14 years with me, my sweet black lab named Cheyenne had to go to doggy heaven. She's been going downhill for a while. She had some sort of mammary tumor that's huge and she's been struggling with walking for a while. Last week she just got to where she couldn't walk up the deck stairs at all. She wouldn't even try. A few weeks ago she actually feel down the stairs a couple of times and I was worried about her falling and breaking something. Her back right leg started swelling last week and I was afraid it might be broken, but then the left one did the same thing and she could hardly stand. The vet said edema like that means something is really wrong. She just had so many things wrong.

I really struggled with whether to do this or not. Everyone kept saying you'll know when it's time, but I don't buy that because I don't think anytime would have been the right time. It was super suprising at how quick it goes. It took less than 15 seconds from the time he did the injection. And then I balled while I hugged her and totally didn't notice my poor husband who teared up too I was so self involved.

Cheyenne's the black one on the right. She's focused on her ball in this picture. She loved to chase her ball and wouldn't even go get it anymore. She was such a sweet and wonderful dog and I know I'm going to miss her so much. I hope she went to doggy heaven where they have lakes to swim in, balls to fetch and feed all the doggies the ice cream she loved.

Well, my little belly is no longer little. It has really really popped. I've done very good weight wise, but when Chris took my pic today I was surprised at how big my belly looks. I've also gotten one stretch mark, which I'm greatly upset about. It's small and really low, but I'm worried about the growing I have left to do.

I only have 7 weeks left and while that doesn't seem like that long, it also kinda seems like forever. I'm getting to the anxious, antsy part where I'm just ready for her to be here and for this to be over. Don't get me wrong, I'm still an infertile and so very grateful to actually BE pregnant. But pregnancy is not fun like I thought it would be. I just can't relax and enjoy it, I worry about every little thing.

I've had some contractions, mostly false contractions, but starting this week I'll be monitored twice per week to make sure she looks good, fluid levels are good and if my cervix is changing. I love my Dr. I think this will help me be more calm. I'll be switching from the Lovenox to the Heparin in just a couple of weeks and I'm dreading the twice per day shots. More than that I'm worried that I won't get to have an epidural. I'm just not that in to a drug free birth and I'm getting really nervous about it.

The nursery is almost done and I promise to post pics soon. I ordered a decal for the wall off ETSY and it was a little too small. The artist offered to make it bigger for me so I'm just waiting to get that back from her so I can hang things on the walls and I need my Mom to iron the curtians (yes, I know I could do it, but I want her to do it! ha!) and everything is done in there.

Below is a pic of my ginormous belly!

Most days I can't believe I made it this far. In so many ways this still doesn't feel real to me. I feel like I'm playing make believe and just pretending to be pregnant. I worry because I don't feel very bonded to this baby. I'm still holding back because I don't want to be hurt. Of course I know you can't live your life if fear, but it's still present everyday. My best friend assures me that as soon as she's born I'll be bonded and I really hope she's right.

On a positive note, the nursery is almost done. It's come a long way in 2 weeks. All we need is one curtain panel, the rug, a table skirt and lamp. We need to hang things on the wall, but I'm waiting for a decal I ordered from ETSY. I think I'm going to post pics on Rate My Space. I know that could go south and I could get some nasty comments, but I love the way it's turned out.

I’m 29 weeks!!

Baby’s Size: Baby Beavers is the size of a butternut squash. At the ultrasound on Tuesday the Dr said she weights 2 lbs 7 oz.

Weight Gain/Loss: up 10 lbs (I feel like I'm starting to pack it on)

Maternity Clothes: Maternity jeans and a few tops. Still wearing several regular shirts, but big ones and wraps with tank tops.

Symptoms: Stuffy nose, hunger, restless leg, very very tired, and starting to get a tad uncomfortable

Foods I’m Loving: Peanut Butter, milk, Petro's baked potatoes, sushi

Foods I’m Hating: Meat if I have to see it raw or cook it, if someone else cooks, it's fine.

Sleep: Starting to have problems sleeping, restless legs make it hard to go to sleep, can't sleep on my stomach anymore and I have problems sleeping any other way.

Gender: It’s a GIRL!!!

What I Miss: Wine, sleeping on my stomach.

What I’m Looking Forward To: My showers the last weekend in March and the nursery being finished.

Milestones: 3rd Trimester!!!

Emotions: I feel kind of irritable, but trying not to take it out on anyone and I cry pretty often.

And just for fun, here's a look from the front: