All in 2 weeks.

The surgery went well. No one threw up in the recovery room. I did have a panic attack when I woke up. I could hear the woman right next to me snoring and the nurse came in and asked me if I was in pain. I said no, I'm having a panic attack and I'm leaving. They didn't want me to leave, but they finally took out my IV, gave me my cracker and let me go to the bathroom. They have probably never seen anyone leave recovery so fast in their entire careers.

I had a very small amount of Stage 1 endo on my left ovary which the Dr. was able to remove with the laser. My tubes were all clear. She did drill my right ovary. It's my understanding drilling improves hormone levels. She told Chris after the surgery that I was "uber" fertile for the next 3 months. Really? Me? A fertile? I love being called that. I really had no pain at all from the surgery itself. The worst part was a blister from the tape that covered my entire stomach.

Friday night my back started hurting. By Monday I could barely walk my back hurt so bad. I went to the chiropractor and he took an Xray and an old back injury has flared up and is pinching a nerve. My right kidney was also inflamed, but they weren't concerned about that. He said it was probably from being slung around on the tables during surgery and laying flat on my back and my RE agreed. It took until Wednesday before I had any pain relief and even now my right leg is still kind of numb. But the chiro said it would take a while to get everything back in alignment. I have exercises to do at home, and I will be going for adjustments and "therapy" (massage! paid for by insurance! woohoo!) a couple of times a week for a while.

The week after surgery, Chris had a continuing education class in Nashville, we had a rehearsal dinner in Lebanon, we spent Friday night at the lake house, and Saturday we went to Evins Mill in Smithville for a wedding where I was the matron of honor. The wedding was gorgeous and deserves it's own post. I will try to do that when I get back home.

Right now I'm in Fredericksburg, Va. I found out a week ago Friday that Sunday after the wedding I had to fly to Richmond, then drive to Fredericksburg for a training class. The first thing I said when they told me we had to travel was "I'm not going if I'm ovulating!!!" I decided to go ahead and come to this week's training (it didn't fall during ovulation) so it's over with and we can focus on the next cycle without worrying about it falling during a training week.

As far as business trips go, it's been a very good trip. We're staying in downtown Fredericksburg which is a really neat place. I've been going out to dinner at fancy bistro's with Annette, who used to be my boss. It's nice to be taken out to dinner every night and have someone else pay. The food has been phenomenal, but I can't wait to get home Friday and see my hubby and I'm looking forward to the summer and my next cycle starting. I'm ready to get down to some serious baby making.

I changed my mind and I'm going ahead with the surgery. Since I have to have one normal cycle, not the miscarriage, before we try again I didn't want to just sit around and waste another whole month. I do not have a single symptom of endometriosis other than a "possible" ectopic pregnancy last cycle. I barely even have menstrual cramps. But if there are any problems in there at all, I want it taken care of this month. She is also going to do ovarian drilling on one ovary and check to make sure my uterus does not have a septum. When I did the HSG, my other Dr. said my uterus was heart shaped. I asked what that meant and he said it was a variation of normal (do we really know what normal is?????) but after reading about problems caused by a heart shaped uterus, I want her to look at it and fix it if there's a problem.

I go in tomorrow at 11, the surgery is at 1 and they say I should be home by 5 or 6 tomorrow night. I am not scared of the procedure at all. I am TERRIFIED that another patient will vomit in the recovery room and I will have a full blown panic attack. The Dr. and the hospital have been very understanding about it. But not understanding enough to give me my own recovery room even though I said I would pay for it out of pocket. ha!

I've already taken the lovely magnesium citrate so the fun should kick in any time now. I will try to update tomorrow or the next day with the results.

So after the "we don't have enough blood fiasco" they finally got enough and I got my results back last week. I tested positive for 2 gene mutations for blood clotting disorders. I am heterozygous for G20210A which causes the blood to clot too fast. I am also heterozygous for MTHFR. Apparently that is not considered abnormal, since 44% of the population has it, but if you have it in conjunction with another mutation, it may or may not cause other issues.

Thanks Dad. Or Mom. Whoever gave it to me.

When I told my parents that one of them gave me a gene mutation they both kinda stared at me for a minute then my Mom said - it was your Dad. ha! What I'm wondering is how on earth did my grandparents have HUGE families without anyone ever having pregnancy or miscarriage problems? It came from one of the 4 of them.

The Dr. doesn't seem to be to worried about it. I can take baby aspirin and heparin shots after ovulation. I did a lot of research on therapies that I can do myself and believe me, there is not a lot of info out there about how this relates to infertility. Most of the info is women asking questions in forums and never getting any answers. I did read about Folgard, but couldn't find it in the store, so I bought Folic Acid, Vitamins B6, B12 & E, and some baby aspirin. Lifestyle is an important factor so my diet and exercise changes should be for the better. Though most people wouldn't consider me obese, I know I need to get serious and lose 40 to 50 lbs permanently. Not just for getting pregnant but for long term health benefits.

So, for now, I don't have to have the laparoscopy surgery and I'm glad. I wasn't that worried about the procedure itself, I just don't want to go to the hospital and be in a recovery room. I can try a few more cycles and see what happens. I know I will get a baby. My sister has already offered, it's just that I want to be the one having it. And now my biggest fear is that I won't get to carry it. I guess when you wait until your late 30's to start having babies, and you find you are reproductively challenged, you can't be to upset about HOW you get your baby. You just have to be grateful that you actually DO get your baby.

Got a call from the RE's office yesterday. There was some sort of mixup and the lab didn't have enough blood to run the clotting and genetic test and they needed me to come back and give them 2 more vials. I asked if I could come right then so I didn't have to get up early today and they said yes. I was the only one in the office at 3:30 in the afternoon. Apparently all fertility treatments happen between 7:30 - 10:00 am because the office is always packed in the mornings.

I've been thinking for several days that Aunt Flo should arrive any day but I couldn't remember when the miscarriage started last month. Luckily I had called it in and the nurse checked my chart. Looks like I have a week or two more before the next cycle starts. I need to have the laparoscopy this month and I'm worried it's going to fall on the wedding weekend. I hope not because I'll have to postpone the surgery if it does since I'm the maid of honor. Brides tend to get bent out of shape when the MOH backs out last minute.

I've almost talked myself out of the surgery. Has anyone else every had the surgery and had nothing wrong in there? I've never had any symptoms of endo, I've gotten pregnant twice, and after researching PCOS ad nauseum, I really believe weight and egg quality are my biggest problems. The Dr. insists my BMI is not too high, though my family Dr would disagree with that, but I've gained 20 lbs since starting fertility treatments and I needed to lose 20 before we started trying. They say even a 5% loss of body mass can significantly improve hormone levels and egg quality.

(Diet update - still sticking with it, no cheating, weight loss has slowed a bit, but still trending down).

On a fun note, as I've been lurking and stalking these past few months I kept seeing this little box for IComLeavWe but I had no idea what it was. So I decided to click on it and find out about it. Turns out it's a great way to get more involved with others on this same path and I decided to participate this month. So far, I've "met" some really cool people and it's great to hear that you're not crazy and to find out these weird treatments and procedures I try every month are actually working for some people. It gives me a lot of hope.

Does anyone else find it hard to keep up with where you've commented? I didn't want to start at the top of the list, but I'm seeing now why that's a good idea. I tried clicking on random blogs, then I would get involved in reading the entire thing, then - did I comment? which post? maybe I left 2 comments, who knows? I feel like I've been at a college mixer, I met a whole bunch of cool chics I like and want to hang with, but I can't remember their names, or which dorm they live in (ummm, URL) and I feel like I'm never going to see them again! AAGGGHHHH! Guess I'm going to be reading EVERYONE'S blog again. Happy Reading!

I was seriously considering googling this. I sometimes wonder how many times they can draw my blood. I don't have to worry about a vampire attacking me anytime soon. He's gonna want someone juicer than me. He could stop by my RE's office, cause they have about half my blood.

I've never had a problem with a nurse not finding a vein or having to poke me twice. However, my left arm let me know a few weeks ago that it's done being poked for now. She dug around in there and nothing ever would come out. Can't say I blame the little vein as he's been poked once or twice per week since April of last year with just a couple of little breaks in there. The fecal collection the Chinese medicine Dr wanted me to do sounds like a good idea to my left arm right now.

But my right arm still cooperates. I went yesterday morning and they drew like 6 vials. Usually it's just one small one. Then they call the same day with the results. Apparently testing for a clotting disorder takes a few days so I won't know until next week. I hate being in limbo. Waiting for test results, waiting to start. As soon as I do start, I can schedule the laparoscopy, which I'm still undecided on. The more I read about PCOS, the more I think it was simply egg quality and not ectopic. We couldn't tell for sure since my HCG levels never got high enough to see any tissue in the uterus or tubes.

The good news is, I've lost 6 lbs since we started the PCOS diet last Monday. Hubbs is losing faster than me, but he has exercised more. Go figure. I want to step that up a notch this week and cut down on red meat and cheese.

And I've GOT to get rid of the ants that are plaguing me. Are they hanging out in the kitchen around the food? Nooooooo. They're in the office. Every 1/2 hour or so another one will just come strolling by my computer and then I have to squash him. Mr. exterminator is all lined up for next week and he says he can fix it. Hopefully he'll get the giant bumble bee that has set up camp on our back deck too. I'm tired of him buzzing around my head while I grill all these healthy, no carb foods. I did find some carb balance tortillas today that have 2 net carbs and I ate a couple tonight with dinner. That's less carbs than the creamer I like in my coffee so I figure it's OK. That and 5 peanut M&M's is the only cheating I've done in 2 weeks. Yeah me!

Bring the baby you already have with you, sit in the waiting room and brag about the shopping you've been doing at Babies R Us, complain about your lack of sleep and tell everyone you're trying for a second at the top of your voice. Apparently dirty looks can't stop these people. I know cause I gave her the evil eye for the better part of the fifteen minutes I waited for my blood draw. Seems to me if you're in the infertile club you would know not to bring a baby to an office full of crazy, drugged up women trying everything they can to get knocked up. But some people never get it. NO MATTER WHAT.

My HCG level came back less than 2, which surprised me because this miscarriage was way worse than the first one and the bleeding just stopped a few days ago. I go next week for another test to see if I have a blood clotting disorder. If that comes back normal I just wait to start and then schedule my laparoscropy to see what's going in my tubes and uterus. Already having panic attacks about the hospital visit, but I'm trying not to think about it.

I read a book called the PCOS diet and it's very similar to Atkins and Chris is doing it with me. We started Monday and as of this morning I've lost 4.5 lbs and Chris has lost 6 lbs. 20 lbs by June seems doable at this rate. Surprisingly, it's not really been that hard. Cheese saves me. We pretty much cut out eating out, we've been cooking a lot and our fridge is overflowing with all the egg cartons, different lettuces and all the veggies. I'm cheating on my first love REAL COKE, and I'm now IN LOVE with Crystal Light Peach Mango Green Tea. Sorry Coke, get rid of your carbs and you're back in.

I made a huge step today. I put my entire TTC jouney on my side bar. Up until this point, I wasn't putting it all out there, because I think that I thought if I kept it to myself it wouldn't be true. And I kept thinking this is the month I will be pregnant. Way to much thinking, not enough doing.

I've been a long time lurker of some many TTC blogs and I decided it's time to come out of the woodwork. For all the people in my life who "say" they understand, no one knows what it's like unless they've been there. So much of what people have written has helped me right then, in that moment. Maybe I won't help a single person. But I think (uh oh, thinking again) it's time I show support to my peers and participate in life, even if it's not the journey I had orginially planned.